Love Struck
by Vahn Therron akaShi no Yami
Summary: Love struck teens, dumb kids, a bored author, Slash and kidnapping ensues. Steal my heart and bake me a penguin!
1. Kidnapping the Heart!

Love Struck: Kidnapping Your Heart  
By Vahn Thorren  
Disclaimers: Don't own them, and we all know why.  
Notes: Smashin' diary narritive fun! Kidnapping your the love of your life.   
Warning: Slash and funny back stabbing! No flames  
  
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The Diary of Draco Malfoy: September the First!   
  
My return to school!  
  
I return this year determined to after much soul searching (jacking off in the shower, spying on him through his bedroom window...) to win Harry's heart! Or at the least access to his trousers. (Sure as hell right!) I made my yearly appearance totally prepared with chloroform and folding bed, ready to drag the unconscious youth back to my 'lair' (The room I share with uppity blonde girl. You know you spent too much time with girls when   
  
a) you know the exact shade of blush you need on day with 'high intensity light'  
b) exactly how to strangle and bludgeon uppity blonde room mate with curling iron  
  
Exactly how she survived my little salon style beat down I'll never know.) when I see Ron, carrot wand of a person with his arm around MY Harry. Why I almost whipped out my 'pretty boy natural looks' make up set and taught him a lesson or two. (note to self: steal uppity blonde's curling iron on next occasion, post haste!) And it dawned on me it would take a lot more than sex and booze (I was talking about amazing sex here.) to win his heart. Instead of creating some intricate angsty plot involving Sirius and emotional scarring and Harry's eventual nervous break down. I will simply seduce him, enlisting help of trusted confidant, uppity blonde room mate. This way I'll at least get the consolation in shagging if he resists my advances and pitches of woo. Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha! I must go, my the bath uppity blonde room mate drew us is ready. (Note to self: find out what brand of conditioner she uses ~before~ you kill her, no knock of pert-plus bimbo out shines a Malfoy!)  
  
^_^_^_^  
  
Ron's Journal: Sept/1  
  
Today is the day I've been planning all summer. I've got my horse tranquilizers, dart gun, champagne, sleeping pills and a air mattress. Watch out Harry walk with your back to the wall, Ron is coming for you!  
  
*_*_*_*  
  
Harry's Book in Which he Writes : The 1st  
  
My breakfast was delicious, scar hurt as usual. I think I've developed some sort of chronic headache syndrome. I asked Ron for a aspirin, I feel sort woozy now. Why is Ron pouring me champagne?   
  
Cat rat hat mat spat fat drat fact gat gnat pat good night book I write things in.  
  
@_@_@_@  
  
Hermione's Log (er...)  
First day back to school.  
  
It seems Harry' summer time 'growth spurt' has left him an inch shorter than last year, we suspect foul play. Caught Malfoy ogling Harry, saw Ron and eye started twitching. For such a pretty boy his face falls apart mighty fast. Coped a feel of Harry myself, didn't seem to notice, I'm beginning to think this height problem of his is some sort of degenerative brain mass reduction, and his poor skull is caving in. (Make sure to document temporary memory loss. 'uh....who's hairy?' 'No it's Harry dear' I'll be rich yet!) Well none the less I intend to defend Harry against all depraved suitors! Men and women alike, my reasons I cannot confess even to you (strikes dramatic pose)  
  
Now why is Ron at my door? Who's that he's dragging behind him?  
  
  
#_#_#_#  
  
From Diary Of Draco Malfoy: later that day.  
  
Bath was refreshing, have doubts uppity blonde roommate is natural blonde. Beside the point, she has decided to educate me in the ways of muggle courting rituals. Since wizard laws of love include consecration and kidnapping. Uppity blonde roommate has instructed me to bake Harry special sexy cake in the image of some sort of sensual beast called a penguin. The cake is blood read and iced in black and white. Have filled cake with rum. Very cute, am quite sure this majestic bird will win my beloved's heart. Well I must go write love letter's, I wonder what rhymes with spleen and obscene?   
  
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Young love and dumb kids, you just have to say that's funny. REVIEW! No flames.  
  
PLEASE READ:   
  
Blindness of a Gryffindor, Deceptions of a Slytherin by GoddessofWombats  
AND  
Blight by Vahn Therron (Which is actually my fic, hahahha T.V. EYEs!)  
  
If you don't the authors will kick me! *ouch!* 


	2. Not the Gnomes!

Love Struck: Not the Gnomes!  
by Vahn Therron and in all his not so sexy glory!  
Notes: More fun and fanatics!  
  
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Harry's Book in Which he Writes: September 3rd.  
  
Woke up in stables late last night, currently avoiding one irate potions professor and one well hung gnome. Was woken by said gnome not twenty minutes ago as he attempted to 'mount' me. Was surprised to find myself clad in black fishnets and a pink tutu. As well as odd clothing items and sexually insistent gnome, was wearing green wig and face smeared with lipstick. Very disturbing indeed! Even more discouraging is I suffer from over day long blackout since aspirin dose courtesy of Ron. I suspect alien abduction or other similar forms of foul play. Planning on making tin foil hat to shield thoughts... once my scary assailant goes away and I can get out of this tree. Preferably ~before~ someone sees me dressed like this. I can't even bear to think of how many classes I've missed already. Well anyway I sure hop gnomes can't climb trees.  
  
  
~5 minutes later~  
  
  
It seems they can if there are more than one to give each other boosts. Which there are.   
  
Someone pray for Harry?  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
The Diary of Draco Malfoy: September the 2nd-3rd  
  
Uppity blonde room mate and I baked and slaved on Harry's 'sexy penguin I love you Draco cake' in uppity blonde room mate's 'Easy Bake Oven'. For added kick have laced sexy red penguin confection with cocaine! Very sexy indeed, in no time Harry will be sitting on my lap begging for more. (Cocaine or my love, who knows, perhaps I can convince him that high feeling is my love, maybe...) Or so uppity blond room mate assures me, whom I trust completely, being the dead knock out she is for most males. Anyway, have hauled sexy red penguin cake to Harry's dorm room. Along with absolutely profound poem expressing my never ending lust for. (I meant to say love, *crosses it out*) ...expressing my never ending love for him. Absolutely brilliant.  
  
Ran across Harry later that night, rather tripped over him in stable wear I keep my booze. Any how it seems I woke him up, quickly whipping out some vodka I had Harry liquered up in no time. After dressing him in the sexiest outfit I could fit on him (tutu and sexy fishnets) We made out wearing a shaggy green wig for hours. Only noticed afterwards his face was covered with lipstick. Very confused yet slightly more allured. Well, I heard rustling and ran, must've been those dreadful, horny sex addicts of gnomes who have been stalking me since the day I had my first orgasm. Anyhow left Harry to them,. Very sexy indeed. Well me and uppity blonde room mate hope sexy cake and drag make out session sway his heart to my hand. (No pun intended) Wish me luck.  
  
  
Ron's Journal: September 3  
  
Last night was disaster! All my plans dashed. As it turns out Harry has a very low threshold for knockout drugs and alcohol alike. Ended up with alcohol poisoning, after advice from Hermoine (To whom I've decided to omiss my victim) I decided to leave Harry in the stables, where he could sleep off his narcotic cocktail in peace. Good night kiss ended up being hour long snogging adventure with unconscious Harry. I'm still wanking off to that little ride. Well, am confident Harry will love me, if not for the size of my heart, for the size of my wang.  
  
Good night!  
  
  
*/\* _*_**_* ) t( *_*t)  
  
  
Hermione's Log (I'm never going to get over this one): Sept/3  
  
Found large penguin cake by Harry's door last night after Ron stopped by. Ate every last bit of the scrumptious red rum confection! Absolutely splendid though I do feel a tad beside myself. Only afterward did I notice love letter to Harry.  
  
  
Dear Harry,  
This cake you are now most promptly stuffing your face with is my declaration of love for you. To better express myself I've written you this poem:  
  
My love for you obscene  
I love you so much  
I just wanna feast on your spleen!  
  
And when roses are red and   
violets are blue  
  
This is me   
fuck you through and through!  
  
Your secret admirer and uppity blonde roommate!  
  
Anyhow I forgot the note was on parchment and therefore tried to eat it. Well it's gone to say the least. My nose is itchy and I just realized how white Malfoy is. Really really obscenely white. White...Malfoy...white...love...spleen ...eat brain...ugh.  
  
  
@#$@#$@#$  
  
  
The ~like~ private ~like~ diary ~like~ of ~like~uppity ~like~ blonde ~like~ room ~like~ mate ~like~: The ~like~ third ~like~ of ~like~ September.  
  
  
Mwa ha ha, stole some more of Draco's (Sweet Draco) under things. I spent half the day lying in bed inhaling the scent of what imagine is the smell of.... or his laundry detergent, which smell s like lemons. Anyway, I'm writing in my ~like journal~ during Snape's class. And I swear if he gives me lip I'll whip out my curling iron and bludgeon him and hit him and touch him and feel him and pretend that he's Draco and d-  
  
  
^_~ *_* @_@  
  
  
Snape's Doodle Pad: Why the hell would I write the date on my doodle pad!  
  
WHERE THE FUCK ARE ALL MY STUDENTS! Nothing but Granger, who's been rubbing her nose enough to make me notice. And yes that is a lot! And that twiddling little bimbo uppity blonde room mate! Whom is writing in my class... wonder what she'd look like as a guy... Why am I forced to deal with things of this sort? I'm so afraid I'll die of a stroke. Just so afraid...  
  
  
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Aren't we all afraid of strokes? Any hoo, REVIEW PLEASE, no flames cause you guys should lighten up! 


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